From beginning to the end – My story
I dug the wardrobe and all of a sudden I find old paintings. One is a fairy, dying and hanging behind the wings in an open window. The second is ballerina, the only dancer among masks. The third is gray sky with a creeping window. I remember. Remembering number one: I sat on a bench in Vsetíns Park, smoked a cigarette that did not really taste me, but when you’re desperate, everything worth trying. I sat for an hour and a half absolutely motionless, trapped only in my own thoughts that dragged me down and down to the world where poems live that nobody understood.
Remembrance number two: My first path from the psychologist. The frustration that I do not feel better after meeting with her. My emptiness inside, no motivation to improve anything in the world, including my mental state.
Remembrance number three: I’m sitting in the room, in the middle of my space, twenty paintings on the walls. I’m painting a little man, alone, alone in the middle of huge trees forest. The image does not express meditation, but the lost in his inner world, which does not have a door.
All this I remembered when I held these paintings in my hands. My three-year-old daughter ran around me, my beloved husband was playing with a little son. Outside, the sun was shining on our little garden, and I wondered how I got from there then? From this point zero to the present state, where I have happiness for giving? How did I get from the feeling like I’m completely zero, here, into a healthy self-esteem and optimism? It was a very simple idea that caused the beginning of that big break. The idea is:
You attract that things into your live, which you already surround around you.
Until than, I listened to sad, depressing songs, watched the dramas with a bad end, entered the bad relationships that had been clear from the beginning that they would be wrong. I was driving away all my friends, just doing all the strength to make it all worse and worse.
Until the point where I was the worst. I sat in the woods on the ground after a big emotional excitement. It was four in the morning. And the simple truth came to me that I either do something with myself or I end up very badly. At that time I began to apply that simple idea above. I surrounded me by positive people, cheerful experiences. I found a great partner. Ilistened to the Beatles instead of Nightwish. I tore down depressive pictures, threw it on the closet, and hung something relaxing instead. In the mornings I put on a yellow shirt instead of a black blouse. I will not lie, the change did not come immediately. There have been days and times when I wanted to give up all this effort and stay where I had been before. But those days occured less and less until they disappeared altogether. I became a positive and balanced person, with happiness in myself. And when it was in myself, it began to form around me. I am no superman, I also have my moments of mess, brawling and negativity. Especially when I’m hungry or uncomfortable. But the essence, that gró, is clear and positive as the summer days.
Making things and painting pictures that make people good mood has become my hobby and partly my profession. I wish you enjoyed some pictures on this site to inspire you and helped you find the answer you are looking for. If you like my story, you can find me on facebook as well. Now, just wish:
Have a nice day!